Month: June 2014

A Jewel in the Pocket

June is an odd month in the life of a part-time college professor, and according to recent statistics, nearly 70% of us in all institutions of higher learning across the US are part-time.  That’s private, public, and for-profit; two-year, four-year; research and technical, on up to Ivy League.

The part-timer (and some full-timers too, it is true) does not have the clean break that many outsiders might expect.  Graduation is sometime in late May, but in a rural community college, enrollment something under 3000, the place doesn’t descend into academic quiescence only to bustle to life again with the promise of Labor Day.  For many — the Financial Aid people, the facilities people, student services, admins, the library staff — June tootles along in a mode not that different from, say, February.  Slightly quieter, and of course nothing like the rumble of activity during registration, or midterms, or finals, but the bills still have to be paid and the servers kept up and running and the floors waxed and the HVAC humming and yesterday’s papers in the library swapped for today’s.  This is one of the reasons why I bite my lower lip when I read or hear people outside of academics (I’m deliberately not going to use the word “academia” in this piece, as I believe it carries connotations) use the expression “real-life” to refer to everything outside of schools.  You know — real jobs, real-life situations, real-world experience — all euphemisms for the private sector.  I could supply some examples of this usage, but while they’d be accurate they’d be no more significant than my assertion that they exist, since I’d be getting them from what I think of as casual sources — letters to editors, internet forums, TV commercials. I’m too circumspect to try to make a case based on this kind of ephemera, so I’m trusting that if you know what I’m talking about you don’t need citation, and if you don’t know you probably don’t need the inquiry I’m about to make anyway because it’s outside your scope of concern.

This is not going to be a piece in which I justify the value of higher education in America.  That’s too big a task for June.  All I’d like to do is carve a sensible middle path through some of the popular arguments and one-size-fits-all answers that all too often show up in modern debate. (I even wish I didn’t have to use the word debate, but I do.  I would much prefer that the conversation regarding higher education were being conducted as an inquiry, since that’s my professional modus operandi, but I look and listen and read and can only truthfully if sadly report that most of it is conducted as debate and not inquiry.  I can tell the difference usually by a simple test — it’s inquiry if I end with more questions than when I started; it’s debate if I end with two relatively monolithic positions coalescing on either side, and when the expression of either position makes me bite my lower lip. That is symptomatic.)

If you’ve engaged with the topic at all, you might know some of the key phrases which spark debate and thus polarization.  I’d like to examine some of them.  I promise this is in good faith — my only prejudice is, I believe, an innocuous one and so general as to be inoffensive to all interested parties; to wit, Higher Education has an effect on America.  The inquiry, if sound, might lead us to ask more specific and meaningful questions such as “In what way?” and “Does that indicate actions that need to be taken?” — but that’s for the other end of the inquiry, not the top of it.  I’m hoping that no matter where you’ve previously positioned yourselves in earlier debates that you can ride along with me on that assertion — it matters.  Yes?  We’re OK?  Good, let’s go.

Item One: Higher Education Costs Money.   Unadorned like that, not a controversial statement, but to conduct a genuine and sincere inquiry we’ll have to do better than that.  I’ve heard phrases like “Higher education costs too much money.”  I’ve seen retorts that community colleges are affordable.  Mingled within are various opinions on the utilitarian value of the education at its price; and often a  point goes undistinguished: does it cost too much for the student?  The parent? The taxpayer?  Is the excessive cost a question of its retail price, or of its outlay and expenses?  Is profit involved, and, if so, where and for whom?  Also, another essential question of economics goes unasked — what kind of return on investment is (or ought to be) expected from a non-commodity commodity like “an education”? I would like to suggest that just these three variables — for whom, from whom, and with what expected return — renders the discussion almost impossibly complex.  For a recent veteran with a career idea in her mind and a recognition that, reasonable or not, a prospective employer wants certification from somewhere other than the US Armed Forces, the education has a specific value and, if she can afford it or be helped to afford it, she’s probably not going to spend much time debating whether it should cost as much as it does to whomever it will ultimately cost — herself, the community, the US debt.  On the other hand, to the suburban high school junior, who perhaps has taken his SATs in a blur of unconsidered expectation and careless obedience to What Is Done, when he sits down with pamphlets and applications and that damned essay to write, he can be forgiven for wondering if the personal expense to his parents or the potential for debilitating loans is Worth It.  But while I am using hypotheticals here, I want to hurriedly point out (so hurriedly in fact that I’ve split an infinitive in the process) that these two people are Not Typical.  More anecdote: I’ve been teaching in the same two-year college for going on eleven years.  I can see patterns and spot samenesses but even within my small and not terribly diverse sample I would hesitate to say that anything applied to “a lot” or “most” or “a majority” or anything other than the utterly reasonable and cautious “Some” — a categorical term which literally means at least one, and at most fewer than all.  And all due respect for the social sciences, but even when we do get numbers which are more descriptive than that, when we debate/inquire out here in Regular People Land we really never get any more precise than Some.  Anything else could be too easily contradicted — and as soon as it is, the debate appears to be over; at least points have been scored, and the inquiry grinds to a halt.  When that happens I always want to hold up a sign that says, Let’s Look At That in a Different Way.  (On the other side it, like Wile E. Coyote’s sign, says “Yikes!” but that’s for my personal entertainment only and in no way contributes to the inquiry.)

(more…)

Generation Gap

Here are some of the phrases that mean nothing to my students — at least to the majority of them, who were born sometime after 1990. This is purely anecdotal — each item made it on the list based on the blank stares I’ve gotten in class.

Zapruder film, and/or Texas School Book Depository.
Geneva Convention.
10-10 phone numbers.
Red and yellow flags at gas stations.
Green stamps.
Reader’s Guide to Periodical Literature.
Card catalog.
Carbon paper, or just carbons.
Mimeograph.
Ibid.
Johnny Carson.
Roll down the windows.
Three on a tree.
Moldy Babylonian God.
Non-smoking flight.
Summer reruns.
Yosemite Sam.
I will hug him and squeeze him and call him George.
“The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance.”
Vertical hold knob on the TV.
Gerald Ford falling down, and/or Chevy Chase.
“B” movie.
“B” side.
Gatefold album cover.
Hit single.
Orson Welles.
Ford Pinto.
Self-Addressed Stamped Envelope.
Op-Ed.
Ancient Chinese Secret, we need more Calgon.
Betty Furness, and/or Amana RadarRange.
“You get a car! And you get a car!”
Westinghouse.
Ma Bell.
Lowering the pitcher’s mound, and/or Sandy Koufax.
Washington Senators.
AMC Gremlin.
Senator Stannis.
G. Gordon Liddy.
Yalta.
“Sliding Doors.”
Sanka.
The Department will disavow any knowledge.
Microfilm.
Fallout shelter.
Throwing up on high-ranking Japanese officials.
Emily Post.
You’ve come a long way, baby.
Percolator.
Standard Oil.
Jose Canseco.
Blofeld.
Drip pan.
Wash and set, and/or Dippety Do.
Kenneth Branaugh.
Robert Heinlein.
Ravi Shankar, and/or Concert for Bangladesh.
Drawing-room mystery.
Jeeves.
Foxhole.
“Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?”
Save a Gallon of Gas a Week.
Crying Native American looking at litter from horseback.
Bring Out Your Dead.
John Hancock (colloquially).
The Stone Pony (and we live in New Jersey).
Casey Stengal.
Joe Namath and pantyhose.

Pennsylvania 6-5000.

I swear, it’s getting so I can’t even tell a joke anymore.

Freaky Wednesday

I’ve been both, and adult is better than kid. — Robert B. Parker, Early Autumn

I can only pray that this is a dream.  Then when I wake up it will be over.  Or maybe it’s one of those dissociative fugues; that could last a while, so that would suck, but if I really were having one I don’t think I’d remember what they were. It could be one of those bad movies, which means technically I’ll be out of it in something under two hours not counting end credits. I will have a word to say with the producer; don’t think I won’t.

That is, when I’m grown up again.

Whatever it is, it will be a great illustration for a lot of classroom discussion.  Kohlberg’s stages of moral development, as viewed from the other side of the bridge.  Objectivist epistemology: is Truth persistent, despite capacities and circumstances?  Even the Kafka lectures are going to be a little more pointed and personal from now on, that’s for sure.

The logic seems to work something like this:

  1. The world is terrible.
  2. I don’t remember the world being terrible when I was twelve.
  3. Other people fed me and clothed me and paid bills and I owned nothing that needed maintenance or insurance and I didn’t know what “perfidy” meant let alone recognized it in my elected officials and I was never driving in rush hour traffic and there was never the threat of anyone firing me.
  4. Sometimes I got to be outdoors, on grass, with animals.
  5. I looked happy in all the photographs.

Ergo, I’d rather be twelve.

One way to deal with that longing is Facebook nostalgia — you know, memes about summer vacations, afternoon naps, crayons, blanket forts, Mom’s chicken soup, whatever.

Another way is to construct a dumb movie plot where the tween, miraculously aged, discovers just how sucky the adult world is and What’s Really Important in Life and does everything in his or her power to Go Home Again.  Thanks, Mom.  Thanks, Dad. Hugs.  End Credits. Little Red Riding Hood in technicolor.  My Momma Done Tole Me, don’t go into the woods where there’ll be People Like You to ruin my innocence.  My Momma was right, there’s blues in the night. (She also told me stay away, you never know what you’ll catch.) And Goldilocks ran all the way to her Home where she Promised her Mother she’d Never Disobey Again.

But let’s just say I’m not dreaming.  If I’ve written myself into this movie, I should have some control over what I wished for, right?  I’d like to go back and try again.  I’d finish grad school. I’d kiss my Grandpa goodbye.

Wait.  Grandpa?  That assumes that I’m not just twelve but that it is also indeed June 25, 1977.  I might have requested that I be twelve and yet it would still be 2014, which means that I’d have chances but I’d have no mother, no grandparents, and a heck of lot fewer aunts and uncles.  What, I just wake up sitting on this front porch with no money and no ID and no place to call home, and I can’t even drive?

And wait.  I am thinking like an adult.  Well, of course, that would have to be part of it, right?  If I were just twelve “again,” without the awareness and the memories, I couldn’t fix the problems or swerve to avoid the pain or even fully appreciate the long hot summer afternoon because, well, hell, I’m twelve, right?

OK.  So say it is 1977.  Facts:

  • There are angry people sitting in long lines at gas stations.
  • My sister owns what’s going to be my car, which by the way burns leaded gasoline.
  • Nobody has a cell phone.
  • I can’t figure out who or what or where I’m supposed to be because there’s no Internet.
  • They haven’t caught David Berkowitz yet, and if I report him, that’s going to take a LOT of explaining.
  • Am I supposed to be leaving cryptic notes everywhere telling people to Stay Home From Work on Tuesday morning, September 11, 2001?
  • Has Kohlberg even published the moral development thing yet?
  • That book I was reading hasn’t been written yet.  I wonder how it ends.
  • Our house doesn’t have cable or central air yet.
  • Red M&M’s might still be lethal; I can’t recall.
  • If I walk in talking like this, my parents will slap me for being a smart ass.
  • I’m bound to fail algebra again, anyway.
  • My English teacher is going to assume I’m from outer space, a plagiarist, or both.
  • My friends are going to seem inane, and I’m going to seem pompous. Oh, wait, that’s not new.

But what about the opportunities?  The possibilities? Let me try again, we beg.  I’ll get it right this time.

I see Mrs. Pauley across the street.  Her husband died.  Mine did, too, only not yet.

He’s alive somewhere. I could get him back. Not right now, of course, that would just be creepy; I’m twelve.  He’s twenty-three. And if we became friends now he’d never fall in love with me; I’d always be the little girl, I can’t change the past, I do not want to try again in a world where I might breathe on a butterfly and so never have him…

But if I’m twelve and it’s 2014, and even granting that I can use the internet and have a cell phone, and presuming that I can find someone willing to become legal guardian for a plagiarist from outer space who’s bad at algebra, he’s already gone and I have that many more years to live without him.

Plus people telling me what I can and can’t do.  And what time I’m supposed to do it at.  And what I’m supposed to eat. Read. Watch. Say.

Mrs. Pauley reminds me of me.  That helpless, hopeless look.  Like the answer to every question is What Makes You Think Anything Matters?

Hi, I’m twelve, and I know what you’re going through.  Do you want to talk?

Or, hi, I’m twelve, and I have my whole life ahead of me, how ’bout them apples?

I’d like to see the script pages, if this is a movie.  So I would know if we’re going for Triumphant Spirit, which means I march over there and say exactly the right thing in a forthright manner and even the cops and the evil greedy capitalist landlord give way to my childlike powers of persuasion.  Or if we’re doing the maudlin thing where I hug her before she leaves and she clutches me and cries, establishing her tragedy and foreshadowing mine.

Let’s see.  I could stay here and try to improve my GPA, but with a manual typewriter.

Sure, and next year I can say to my parents three days before Christmas, Look, I’m going to get strep throat before New Years, so we’d better plan ahead.  And oh, I’m going to be allergic to penicillin before this is over.

And, by the way, Mom, about that thing that you’re worried about, being a burden on us in your old age.  Not really going to be a problem.

OK, but it can’t be 1977.  That wouldn’t be Mrs. Pauley across the street, it would be Mrs. Walsh.  And there’s no landlords in this neighborhood, in my neighborhood, I mean.  Firmly upper-middle-class suburban homeowners as far as the eye can see. So it must be now, I mean 2014, and I’m just twelve, for some damn reason.

To save that woman? I have no power in this world.  Give me back my grown-up cred, I’ll get her a lawyer; I’ll write an editorial; I’ll call the mayor.  Like this, what can I do? Beg and plead?  Cry?  Organize a children’s protest?  Wait — is Spielberg directing this?  Is that the problem?

I can’t even offer her a ride, or a room for the night.  My car, my house — does somebody else own them?  Who has Daisy-Dog? Who’s teaching my class in an hour and a half?

A rustle at my elbow. I glance over, and involuntarily recoil.  “Oh, sweet God, not YOU.”

“It’s your nightmare, lady.  I just go where central casting sends me.”

“So I am dreaming, then?  Or it’s a movie?”

“Yup.”

“Very helpful.”  I study him.  “I suppose you have wish-granting abilities?”

“Na.  I’m a Literary Device.  A trope with wings.  You have to do all the work.”

“I can’t work.  There are child-labor laws.”

“Well, learn the lessons, then,” he says impatiently.

I scowl at him.  “Whose stupid idea was it that I could possibly learn anything from being twelve?”

He leans in, says softly, “There really isn’t anything about this that appeals to you?”

“I don’t think so.  I’ve thought it through.  Nostalgia, check.  People I miss, check.  Opportunities, I really didn’t miss that many.  I did good, you know, Clarence.”

“You haven’t moved off this stoop.”

“I mean up to now.  I’m still me, wherever I take me.  Whenever I take me.  And if I weren’t, then I wouldn’t know it, and I couldn’t be having this conversation with you.  Maybe The Audience would know it, but I thought this was supposed to be in my point of view.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“That this is an anomaly; a rift in space-time. Either I know what I am, which means I am what I am, or I don’t know, in which case I am what I am anyway, except it’s something else. But something else from what — and how could I possibly know that?”

“I’d like to request a policy change!” he shouts up towards the sky.  “No more philosophers, EVER!”

“Yea, we make bad customers, I’m sure.  Why did I even end up on the list?”

He gestures across the street.  “We knew you’d sympathize.  Even empathize.”

“I think it would have been more to the point to make HER twelve.”

He shrugs.  “I don’t make the rules.  You popped up on the radar.  You’re alone.  You’re sad.  You have a cute dog.  And you pray.”

“Did I ever say, Please God, make me twelve?” I ask.  I really can’t remember at this point.

“No.”

I say, softly, “You don’t need to save me.  I swear it.  I’m not going anywhere.  I don’t like what I have, but I sure as hell — sorry — don’t want anything else that I could think of.  That’s not my job.  That’s not my place. Take me back.”

Another rustle.

My cellphone rings.  I reach across my desk to get it, moving aside the student assignments and the Call for Papers for the October 2014 Literary Roundtable in Philly. “How’s it going?” I hear.

“Forward,” I say.

 

 

 

 

 

“My holdings in patient grief”

How does a man come on his difference, and how does he feel about it when he first finds it out? At first it may well frighten him, as his difference with the Church frightened Martin Luther. There is such a thing as being too willing to be different. And what shall we say to people who are not only willing but anxious? What assurance have they that their difference is not insane, eccentric, abortive, unintelligible? Two fears should follow us through life. There is the fear that we shan’t prove worthy in the eyes of someone who knows us at least as well as we know ourselves. That is the fear of God. And there is the fear of Man—the fear that men won’t understand us and we shall be cut off from them. — Robert Frost, Introduction to Edwin Arlington Robinson’s King Jasper

I was reluctant to select this quote even though the last three lines quite elegantly summarize my fears.  I hesitated because it’s long, and today’s prompt encouraged us to break with our normal stylistic patterns, so for me that ought to be short. I hesitated because Robinson’s work King Jasper is abstruse and I must admit I haven’t studied it sufficiently.  I hesitated because when most American readers think about Robert Frost they think about two roads diverging in a wood, or those same woods on a snowy evening.  However, Frost is a complex thinker, sometimes quite dark, even morbid. The works of his on which I’ve spent the most time have death right in the title: “Death of a Hired Man,” “Home Burial,” and “Out, Out –.” Frost has been analyzed for alleged racism, cynicism, atheism, and regionalism. He tackles God and Job and Yankee.  If I want this to be today’s post, as opposed to, say, the only thing I write during the entire month of July, I had better limit my focus.

My research suggests that this Introduction is more well-known than King Jasper itself, and that while it has of course been used in discussions of Robinson’s poetics, it is more often cited as an example of Frost’s. The fact that the first of the two named fears is “Fear of God,” which is also the title of one of Frost’s lyrics, has opened up discussions among Christians, Jews, Muslims, and atheists.  It was quoted by Shaykh Hamza Yusuf  when he received the Tikkun Award in March of 2011. That’s the critical apparatus that surrounds this quote, and I suppose I could craft a piece of scholarship that would be equal to the task, but not here and not tonight.

But I can’t let go of the precision with which those two fears mirror my very essence.

I am terrified that I am so very different from the rest of the word that not only will the world judge me, but that I will fail to justify myself.  When we are children and we suffer some humiliation, often our parents will provide the protective trope of the conscience-based society: “As long as YOU feel good about yourself and the choices you made, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.”  (To contrast this with what is known as the shame society, try to imagine Achilles’ mom or Aeneas’s dad giving this advice.) If this protects us from the unfair criticism of our peers, it absolutely does not release us from responsibility to oneself, or as Frost depicts it, one who knows us as well as we know ourselves.

Every day I read or hear something that upsets me.  If you’ve been reading these posts this month you probably know why.  I am intense, insufferably intellectual, impatient, and in grief. There’s Frost’s “eccentric.”  Bad logic and bad grammar and poor analysis and unwarranted opinions infuriate me; there’s his “insane.” I am ridiculously wordy and make obscure references to complicated literary and philosophical texts.  There’s Frost’s “unintelligible.” I have a few platforms, notably my classroom and my internet presence, where I could and do assert these insane, unintelligible eccentricities, and there might be a few people who are impressed enough by my evidence and my reasoning who will genuinely respect my opinion, but let’s face it, most people won’t, if it doesn’t agree with their worldview, and since I start eccentric that’s going to be most people. I could take refuge in my few stalwart supporters but that only alleviates (or mitigates) the second fear, the Fear of Man. I still have to face God.

It has been similarly urged on us to give up courage, make cowardice a virtue, and see if that won’t end war, and the need of courage. Desert religion for science, clean out the holes and corners of the residual unknown, and there will be no more need of religion. (Religion is merely consolation for what we don’t know.) But suppose there was some mistake, and the evil stood siege, the war didn’t end, and something remained unknowable. Our having disarmed would make our case worse than it had ever been before. Nothing in the latest advices from Wall Street, the League of Nations, or the Vatican incline me to give up my holdings in patient grief. — ibid.

 

 

 

 

 

Whaddyamacallit

There are times when I am quite diligent about cleaning out my inbox on my assorted email accounts, and there are times when there are several hundred pieces of junk (what Google Mail calls “Promotional,” which is a handy euphemism).  But whether I have been tidy with my inbox, or relatively lax, I almost never do anything about my Sent box.  Who does?  Unlike, say, sales people, most of my outgoing mail is responsive not proactive.  Almost all the subject line headers in my work Sent box start with “Re:” Students want a return receipt when they send an assignment, or need an acknowledgement that I’ve seen their note about being late or absent.  I attend meetings at school but I rarely if ever initiate them, so my acceptances go into the sent box, the invitation goes onto the calendar, and the rest magically disappears.  Then, one day, two semesters later, I’m scrolling through the Sent box and find stuff that’s more than a year old, and it’s usually highly cryptic.  “No problem.”  “Thanks, see you Monday.”  “Sorry to hear that; hope you are well soon.” “I’m available Mondays and Wednesday after 2 pm.”

This morning I found one that didn’t have a message at all, just a subject line.  it looked like this:

Image

That’s it.

Hotel Manager: The hotel staff would like me to give you a message.

Dr. Howard Bannister: Oh, yes?  What is it?

Hotel Manager: Goodbye.

Dr. Howard Bannister: That’s the entire message? — “What’s Up, Doc?” dir. Peter Bogdanovich, 1973

I don’t remember what it was about; I probably needed a new debit card or something, and he said he’d take care of it, but he knew he would forget, and I would remember but I would never call because a) I hate calling people and 2) I was at school where I don’t have a personal land line and we call the building “The Fortress of Cell-itude” for a very good reason; namely no cellphone reception, ever. And I couldn’t even remember what whats her name’s name was, and he probably did because he often remembered service people he liked, especially females.  And chances were good he had her name and number (probably with a doodled star next to it) in his Moleskine notebook somewhere.

That’s what I found.  Unbelievably tiny, in the greater scheme of things, and not particularly poignant, either, as small things can sometimes be.  Short, unimportant, sardonic, everyday.  But packed to the brim with the complex interrelationship that was our lives; of course I remembered and needed to remind him; of course he had the number; of course he’d get the call done; of course I’d make a joke in my email subject line, like a wink across the state at him in the midst of doing the other things that occupied us, school and work and bank cards and so forth.

Aaron Altman: Ok, I’ll meet you at the place near the thing where we went that time. — “Broadcast News,” dir. James L. Brooks, 1987.

That’s all I got today.  That’s the entire message.